This post is probably not going to be as entertaining or as humor-filled as my others. But whatever. The title of this blog is “Someone Had to Say it”, and not “I’m your personal retarded monkey to make you laugh”.
So let me first say I’m not going to be one of those mopey, bitchy people who whines about being single. I get SOOOO annoyed when I see singles making not so subtle hints about how they just can’t seem to ever find a good man (or woman if you’re into that : ). I am certain that people are single because they either choose to be, or because they won’t resolve issues that repels the right kind of people from entering their lives. It is impractical to think that the problem is the REST OF THE HUMAN POPULATION surrounding you. Remember that sad fuck at the party that everyone wanted to get to know and date? Neither do I.
“Well, you’ve been single for over a decade so what does that say about you then?”
Indeed I have. I’m certainly not perfect, and lord knows my stretch of singledom has spanned years due to my own issues of laziness about meeting people and other personal things I need to work out. I’m also pretty happy leading the single life. I firmly believe that if you are not happy being single then you’re doing it wrong.
So this post is about my biggest frustration with dating and meeting people, the few times I actually venture out and do it.
The biggest thing that I just CANNOT wrap my head around is why people will not tell you what they want. Either people cling to someone who THEY KNOW is not interested in them and pretend to be ok with it until it blows up, or they will string someone along that they have no intentions of ever dating. I’m usually pretty honest with people about what I want from them. I will flat out tell you from the beginning if I am interested in dating you, being friends with you, or just hooking up with you. So yes, when I meet a person and they try aiming for something other than what I say I am interested in without an adult conversation beforehand, I get pissed off and let them know.
when I call them out, they have the audacity to say that I am bitchy, or my favorite, “I don’t have time for drama.” No bitch, you’re just a pussy, and I had to be the one to grab a set of balls and be honest about the situation we’re in.
If I tell you that I am only interested in having fun and I tell you I do not want a relationshit with you, that doesn’t mean hold my hand, give me sweet kisses, and ask me if I’m seeing anyone else. I get that maybe what you want is more than what I’m willing to give you, and maybe that hurts. Trust me, I know. I’ve been on the other side of the exact same situation. However, if you’re in a situation that causes you pain, LEAVE IT. If you tell me that you want to end things because it’s not going in a direction you want, I’m ok with that. But that never happens. I end up having to be the one that grabs a set of balls for both of us and end it. I’m usually met with a lot of anger when this happens. But you know what? I did you a favor. I gave you a place to direct your anger and I did not leave you guessing. I could be like a lot of other guys out there and just be a pussy and stop returning your calls or texts with no explanation. But no. I’ve been in that situation myself plenty of times and I know it sucks. I try not to be what I hate, and I will give you a specific reason why I don’t want to see you anymore.
…unless I think you’re a complete asshole. In that case I’ll leave you guessing….asshole.
And to the other extreme, is when I tell you I am interested in dating. I get that apps like Grindr and Scruff are mostly for hookups. That’s why if I have a good conversation with you, and I think it could have the potential to be something more than a one night stand or friends, I will say, “I want to take you on a date.” OMG what could he possibly mean by this?! I don’t go on dates to potentially see if we can just be pals. I go on them because I saw potential for us to be something more than that. Sometimes it doesn’t work out the way I envisioned. One of my dearest friends for the past five years is a result of a date that did not develop further into a long-term relationship. However, there are some people who really disappoint me when they don’t want more, and it would be hurtful for me to settle for a watered down version of what I expected. I don’t harbor any ill will towards these people. I believe if it works out, great; if it doesn’t, then move on. But, I can’t always be, “Lah-Dee-Dah, I’m so glad I’m into you more than you are into me. I would love to be sidelined as a friend!” SO AGAIN, I grab the cojones and I tell these people, that I’m going to remove myself from the situation and block them. It’s nothing against them, I just know that for me to move on, I have to be away from the person. I’m telling them this so they don’t think I’m bitter and angry towards them. I am also careful in how I word it. I own up that I am the one with the issue and that I am doing this for me, and it’s nothing against them, but these guys always take it as if I just accused them of participating in a back alley abortion.
“OH MY GOD, YOU’RE SUCH DRAMA!”
No. Your discomfort with honesty does not equal drama. Drama would be if I kept clinging to a person who is not interested, or stringing someone along that is not interested in me.